Me. At least after what I've been through.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
