My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
