Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
