Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
love makes seman taste better
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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