i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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