I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
