I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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