Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
