He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
