I'm gonna have a badass scar
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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