Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
