I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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