You're so nebulous sometimes
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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