WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
