Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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