i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My penis needs a shock collar
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
