I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize