How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
