Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
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its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
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All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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