is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
