He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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