Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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