If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
