he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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