Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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