She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
