Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
