where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
tequila makes me forget i have legs
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
