If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
