I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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