it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
