Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
