I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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