Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
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