I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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