If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
