you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
