I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
