this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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