drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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