Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
