Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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