my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
