Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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