Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
