can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
