and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
