I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
