this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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