I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm like, not good at living.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
