i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
