I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
