I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Come see our sink grown plant.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
