Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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