This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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