1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
