i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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