Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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