god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
