So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
