I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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