dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
