I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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