he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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