Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
