stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
whose parrot is this?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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