At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
