i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
