Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
