We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
