wanna go halves on a baby?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
