I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
