It's Friday. Sex?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
His hands were made for my vagina.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
