Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sext me about skeletons
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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