so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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