What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
