its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
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We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
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I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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