a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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