If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
