wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
