Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
