When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
