I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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