i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
